coffee addicted

50 Outrageous Clues You’re Obsessed with Coffee

After spending 34 years in the world of coffee imports, where my days were filled with more coffee tastings (more like coffee sucking) than I can count and selling it to the catering industry, learned

After spending 34 years in the world of coffee imports, where my days were filled with more coffee tastings (more like coffee sucking) than I can count and selling it to the catering industry, learned me that there exists a mighty tribe of coffee fanatics roaming on this coffee dependent planet.

These coffee aficionados aren’t just your run-of-the-mill java drinkers. No, they’re more obsessed with their java than a cat on a midnight mission to redecorate your living room at 3 AM. I mean, these folks don’t just drink coffee; they practically bleed espresso. 

These Shakespeares of caffeine can spot a single-origin Ethiopian Yirgacheffe from a mile away and talk about coffee notes with the precision of a microbe inspecting an atom with a magnifying glass.

It’s like they’ve formed a secret society dedicated to the art of caffeination. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve already built a coffee temple somewhere, complete with an altar of freshly ground beans and a choir that chants the virtues of the perfect pour-over. 

It’s a caffeinated world out there and these are the 50 signs you should be slightly concerned that you might just be one more espresso shot away from turning into a walking, talking coffee bean!

50 serious Hints You’re Hooked on Coffee

1. Your blood type is officially “Espresso-positive.”

2. Your coffee mug collection has its own room, and you’ve named each one.

3. You consider “instant coffee” an oxymoron.

4. Your coffee maker has more buttons than your TV remote.

5. You’ve seriously considered getting an IV drip of caffeine.

6. Your idea of a well-balanced meal involves coffee in each hand.

7. You once tried to pay for groceries with coffee beans.

8. The barista at your local cafe greets you by name, and they don’t even ask for your order anymore.

9. You refer to sleep as “the time between coffee breaks.”

10. You’ve contemplated creating a “coffee-scented” cologne or perfume.

11. You’ve named your cat “Cappuccino” and your dog “Java.”

12. You’ve considered converting your car’s fuel tank to run on coffee.

13. You’ve started growing your own coffee beans in your backyard.

14. You’ve asked your dentist if they can add caffeine to your toothpaste.

15. Your idea of a wild night out involves a 24-hour coffee shop.

16. You’ve taken a coffee break during a coffee break.

17. You have more coffee subscriptions than magazine subscriptions.

18. Your morning routine includes reciting a coffee-themed mantra.

19. You’ve thought about making a coffee-scented air freshener for your car.

20. Your signature dance move is “The Caffeine Jitterbug.”

21. You’ve considered opening a coffee shop just to support your habit.

22. You’ve invented a coffee-infused toothbrush.

23. Your idea of a perfect date involves a coffee tasting.

24. You’ve written a ballad dedicated to your beloved French press.

25. Your idea of a balanced diet is a coffee in each hand.

26. You can brew a perfect cup of coffee blindfolded.

27. You’ve played “coffee pong” instead of beer pong at parties.

28. Your alarm clock brews a fresh pot of coffee to wake you up.

29. Your favorite color is “mocha.”

30. You’ve thought about installing a coffee tap in your kitchen.

31. You’ve considered changing your legal name to “Mochaccino.”

32. You’ve calculated the exact cost savings of making coffee at home vs. buying it.

33. You’ve entered a 5K race just because they promised free coffee at the finish line.

34. You have a dedicated “coffee shrine” in your home.

35. Your blood type is “Arabica positive.”

36. You’ve used coffee beans as a currency in Monopoly.

37. You’ve tried to convince your friends that a coffee cleanse is the ultimate detox.

38. You’ve taken a job solely based on the proximity to good coffee shops.

39. You’ve started referring to coffee as “liquid gold.”

40. You can name all the coffee-growing regions of the world.

41. You’ve considered naming your firstborn “Espresso.”

42. Your favorite song is “I Will Always Love Brew.”

43. You’ve asked your therapist for coffee-related coping strategies.

44. You’ve seriously considered a caffeine tattoo.

45. You’ve created a spreadsheet to track your coffee consumption.

46. You’ve considered joining Coffeeholics Anonymous but decided against it.

47. You’ve written a coffee-themed novel (in your head).

48. You’ve attempted to brew coffee in a hotel room using an iron and a strainer.

49. You’ve turned down a marriage proposal because they didn’t love coffee enough.

50. Your coffee mug says, “I drink coffee because adulting is hard.

If you recognize yourself in 1 or more of these 50 concerning signs; then this probably is the place to go: